November 4, 2007

Global Warming Is Awesome/Not Real

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , at 10:53 pm by Willy

Global warming fucking rocks. As I sit in the brisk fall air, I realize that it’s not brisk at all, it’s fucking nice out! The world needs to stop complaining about global warming, because it’s only benefitting us. “Us” being, everyone that lives in a nice temperate climate zone, like Philadelphia. It’s November and it’s like 65 degrees out! Show me the downside!

“But Bill, I’m not sure you’ve got it right… It’s going to melt the ice caps… wah wah wah… makes the world colder in the end… cry cry cry… poisons the air… blah blah blah… Al Gore… wee wei weu.”

Listen, crybaby, you can whine all you want about the inevitable, or we can really embrace this utterly awesome phenomenon. Notice it’s not called global destroyening. It’s just global warming. Why try to fight what could be the coolest thing to happen to the earth since it was farted out of the sun?

“But Bill, all of our culture and beautiful cities and lovely writings and education will be lost forever if they’re all submerged in water! Wah wah wah wah wah! We’ll all be miserable.”

First of all, you’re already miserable, so submerging the earth in a couple hundred trillion gallons of water isn’t going to change that. Just accept that we’ll all be living on catamarans drinking our purified piss out of a Brita filter and hanging out on giant floating commonwealths selling dry dirt to the highest bidder. It will be something like this:

If you’re still not convinced, I hope you drown in your own baby tears before the Katrina-times-a-thousand squalls do the same. Meanwhile, I’ll be busy constructing a glorious vessel and stocking up on non-perishable food items. I guess I’ll see you true believers in the decades following the apocalypse of the land dwellers. Have your Dramamine ready. Sure global warming isn’t happening as fast as I’d like it too, but I can’t wait to bring as many children into this world to experience the adventures that I would only be able to dream about. You’re so lucky future-children.



  1. The Who said,

    you must love recycling though

  2. Willy said,

    Why you gotta be like that?

  3. modestt said,

    Why are you making a fake battle comment between you and yourself. Oh silly Willy.

    Scuba diving. It’ll be great

  4. Willy said,

    That’s not me that’s Mike! He’s a jerk!

  5. modestt said,

    hahahhahahaa… .sureeee

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